I am a murse. In school I never thought I would actually get to say that. I drove my
friends, and family nuts with the talk about making it. It’s crazy that a few months ago
all I could think about was school and the Nclex and now I sit here and wonder what
was I so worried about it. Notice I said murse, not nurse. Of course I am a nurse; I am a
Registered Nurse to be exact. That’s not what most people see they see a male and then
they see a nurse. You ever hear someone say “oh there goes a girl nurse.” Even in my
department which has a heavy male concentration we are still out numbered at least 6 to 1.
In school on an OB rotation a woman thought I was a doctor, I don’t know how. I was
standing in scrubs that had my school name embroidered all over it and in completely
different colors than any other nurse near me. She sat there and asked me questions and
thoughts on things. When she thought I was a doctor I could have put my arm up to my
elbow in her vagina and she wouldn’t have cared at all. It was going great even if I was
unhappy about it. I mean I don’t want to see birth; it’s like a vagina blowing a meat
bubble. Then there are things called the “Wood’s screw maneuver” I mean Christ on a
crutch it makes me flinch thinking about it on my couch. Anyways eventually she found
out I was a student-nurse and she blew up. She didn’t scream that I was a student; she
repeatedly said “you’re a nurse?” She said it with a tone in her voice like I asked her
for a rim job. I wanted to say, “Yeah a nurse just like I was when I walked in here.” She
freaked out so bad she kicked her husband out. Poor guy was surprised and he should be I
mean didn’t she realize he obviously had seen whatever she had going on down there?
Does anyone get into this job for the scenery? It makes me gag when guys say they
should be a gynecologist. First, ladies it’s like staring at the predator down there. Second,
these guys obviously forget that while the Victoria Secret Angels have to get checked up
so do the woman from Jerry Springer. There are a lot more ugly women that hot ones.
Choose wisely when you are trying to decide what you want to specialize in. I can only
imagine the nightmares I would have in an OBGYN office. I don’t think enough steel
wool and bleach exist to clean my eyes after seeing what they see. Third, it’s not all about
looks that would be too easy. Ever smell your gym bag after a week? Yea get the hint.
Not to say that guys are always the cleanest creatures on earth. I have never experienced
it but I have heard many stories from friends who work in nursing homes about guys.
My kid will be circumcised, guaranteed. The horror of hearing “you have a yeast
infection…in your penis.” I couldn’t deal with that. Oh the world of a male nurse. I am
glad though I love it when someone calls me “doctor.” Not that I really want to be a
doctor but man it pisses off nurses and some female doctors. Especially when someone
looks past them because they believe I am the doctor. It’s a sweet victory.